Monday, May 05, 2008
Chapter 3I actually survived. Looking back, it wasn't really wasn't that hard. Or maybe the past year had hardened me up - where 34-hour workdays are just part of life, where weekends are considered a boon rather than a right, and where getting all consumed by work is only the right thing to do.
I remember starting out without an ounce of experience. My first patient collapse ("collapse" actually means when someone's heart stops beating, no breathing, no blood pressure. i.e. you've got to freakin' resuscitate. I've ever got called for a "collapse" by a green nurse - where the patient tripped, fell, and therefore, "collapsed". Imagine the initial panic and subsequent exasperation.) The first time I removed an extra-ventricular drain without clamping the vacuum. The silly research projects. The endless waiting for exit rounds before I could finally go home. The hours spent with friends in the call room, flipping through Her World. Playing paintball in call clothes on our very last day.
And then there was internal medicine. I remember my first medicine call - it was a complete fiasco (I never knew so many new cases could come in at the same time). The very worst part of it all was the 360-degree assessment. It was SCARY. Like having CCTVs on you 24-7. The cases you've seen get pulled out and audited, and you get graded on what you've written. The nurses grade you, your MOs grade you, you meet your supervisor monthly who also grades you, you present cases at meetings and the consultants also grade you. One mistake during night call, and you can expect a phone call from the consultant in charge questioning why certain things were - or were not - done. I remember my first serious near-miss, involving a case of neutropenic sepsis and wrong calculation of antibiotic dose on call. It was so scary, I couldn't sleep a wink that whole night even though it was a quiet call, praying that the patient didn't die because of me (the patient didn't, because the onco reg turned up and night and spotted the mistake before the medicine was given. Had hell from him.). And there was this other night I called up the registrar on call, argued with him, and overturned his decision to make a referral. Yes, the nerve of me.
Then came Obs and Gyn. It was pure heaven, most of the time. Getting annoyed cos we didn't get our daily jelly from the auntie at the lounge, or cos we missed our second or third tea. And actually ending work on time almost everyday, and waiting for Yx to finish, for a change. Calls where anything less than 4 hours of sleep is unearthly. Playing Bluff in the call room. And, of course, some nice feedback that really made my day.
Have I enjoyed myself? Definitely.
It's been a year where you realise that nothing else in the world matters as much as family and friends. And I've met some really good friends along the way, plus the occasional bad nut as well. The year truly brought out the best and the worst in people.
The downside? I think everyone's grown, somehow. That's probably a nice word for aged / jaded / disillusioned. I wonder if this jaded-ness goes on a x=y sort of curve, or if it tapers off somewhere along the line.
Starting on something else altogether. Chapter 2's done and over with, a road that was dreaded and feared. Something new's coming, and it's too early to say what it'll bring.
We'll see.
Wenky
6:43 AM
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