Monday, January 07, 2008
Sitting here and wondering when I'll ever get over this. Many, many thanks to those who cared. Mustering up the will and strength isn't easy. I'm afraid that despite years and years of knowing and being told, I still can't stop fretting about things that are yet to come. I know, abysmally stupid thing to do. I slept uneasily again, and woke at strange hours again. It's a maladaptation. Thing is, I hate to admit it, but I'm frightened. Of the known - like that the bosses are pretty nasty - and of the unknown. Losing control like this is one thing I can't stand. Perhaps, it's once again time to start the countdown. A little premature, but it does symbolise what I really, really want.
And once more, I really miss my friends. Had some good news about a crazy friend getting married this year, and I feel so happy for her. You go girl! =)
On call again tonight, wish me luck! Stuff to settle:
1) Leave
2) Call swops for leave
3) Find old parking label (it's missing!!!) and photocopy other stuff for car park
4) Return old work phone etc
*****
Crying inside, and I know you are too.
Let me just do a book of gratitude right here - I don't need to spend $30 on that. I'm grateful for:
having you here at the end of every day, to listen to the most utterly boring rants;
having friends who sms for chats, and that makes me feel like I'm not so alone after all;
having you go through all that in the past many, many years just for me, even if it wasn't your interest in the first place;
having Brownie to play with and take care of and cuddle;
being able to buy most things that I need, and many things that I want;
having a loving family whom I know will be there for me anytime I need them;
having the autonomy of doing most of what I want, and making decisions on my own;
having you putting up with my crazy temperaments and occasional tantrums;
having time to do things that need to be done;
knowing that each day will end, for better or for worse. And that things need to be put behind me, for each morning is a new day and it won't do at all to mope about what has been, or worry about what is to come.
****
Wenky
6:06 AM
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