Grey Thoughts, Blue Memories

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Looking Back -
and perhaps even forwards

OK, so I lied about not drinking - I had one glass of beer last night.

It's been a year to remember, I think! I'm glad this one has been as full of events as any other, and once again, I'm feeling grateful especially for having loved ones and friends around me. Yes, it's not often that I feel like that. Odd sort of feeling.

Now then, a trip down memory lane.

Triops

New Year's Day 2007, and our 5th anniversary with a tiramisu cake from Tiramisutra.

Brownie the New Year's Day doggie, at Jubilee.

A Valentine's Day gift!

CNY

Mom's cat no more .. (thank heavens for that!)

The MBBS exams, and our Cameron highlands trip after

Goodbye to my trusty old van

And what came instead

Knowing some of my closest colleagues ever

Grad ceremony (huge bore, to be honest)

Getting adventurous with the fish tank ..

Yx away at Caltech

A unforgettable break at Tioman Island

Yx away at San Fran & Canada

Getting serious in dancing

Going a little nuts on New Year's Eve

I have become just that bit moodier, a little less motivated, and somehow you know that deep inside things are evolving but yet you can't put your finger on it. Or maybe, evolving is just a cover-up for deteriorating. Just maybe. New Year's resolutions? Unfortunately, I no longer do those. Years of experience have led the way to knowing that there's no way I can have the energy or razor-sharp focus to really try that hard.

What will next year bring then?

Looking a little pasty right now, yikes. I need sun.

Wenky
11:49 PM

Bottling Day

A photojournal on why bottling day is always such an exciting affair!

Sanitising the bottles and caps with 10% bleach solution

Adding the priming sugar and transferring from fermenter to bottle.

Capping

Found these lovely foil-coloured sticker labels

Cutting up the labels

Ta dah! 3 days in the bottle (for the CO2 to build up so it becomes fizzy), and it's ready to drink!

Wenky
11:41 PM

Saturday, December 29, 2007

This is really, really nasty. It's call day today, and I had a drop too much last night. Ended up feeling extremely ill, and I'm now taking a mug of hot tea to see if it helps. It was fun towards the end though - or maybe perhaps we were all so drunk by then. Beer was fine. It was probably an overdose of Chivas that did it. No more alcohol for the next week at least, not even on New Year's. Doesn't help that my sleep was interrupted by senseless dreams, or that I have not packed my call bag yet, or that a hint of a headache is now starting to blossom.

Wish me luck today, I really need it! Last call, people. Last call!

Wenky
6:38 AM

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Hair's getting into a real mess. Let's see ... 6 days and 1 call more to go!

Hope everyone had a nice Xmas this year. Soon it'll be time to look back again at the last 365 days, and do a little thinking and planning. In the meantime, just a few pics of what I've been up to!

1. My own little gift this year, just to treat myself after these 4 rather rigorous months. Tickle Me Elmo! It's the TMX edition, where he giggles hysterically (that is just SO my kind of thing!) and flips around slapping his knees and the floor.

2. Brownie the Grouchy Reindeer. We bought the horns from Build-A-Bear, but surprisingly it fitted him perfectly!

3. And of course, the gingerbread house - which seems to have become an annual event here at home. This year, Yx baked the gingerbread from scratch and cut it out into nice shapes. My sisters are responsible for the other confectionaries - loved the blueberry cupcakes! (Brings back old memories of blueberry puffs ...)

Please don't ask me why my sis decided to graffiti on the wall ..

And the lovely back area. If you look closely at the window, you might just make out the stained "glass" windows, which I thought was a really cool idea. Now, if only we could light the house somehow from the inside..

Looking back at last year's house:

Wenky
11:38 PM

Boriiiing ... I mean, looking at some of the happenings on the local forums, that is. I wonder why .. maybe the scene is just too young. Right, being cryptic.

Merry Xmas everyone! I've gotta work though, and really don't feel like turning up!

Bought ourselves a lovely toy yesterday, shall take pics - or rather, videos - of it.

Wenky
7:24 AM

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Woke up feeling really fatigued, and indeed I think I really didn't manage to get enough sleep last night. Not a good thing, seeing that I'm on call today. The end is in sight. 10 more days, 2 more calls! Oddly enough, I received my dough 1 week early, but it's just the base pay excluding the extras. Hmmmmm ... maybe - just maybe - it's a bonus of some sort? Muahahaha. Too much to hope for.

We bottled up our third batch yesterday, and made some really pretty labels to boot! More pics to follow.

In the meantime, wish me luck! Torrential rain and flashes of lightning and wards getting filled to the brim with broken bones instead of anything else. Time to start on my 36-hour workday.

Wenky
7:10 AM

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Thank goodness one of my friends swapped into tonight's call - it'll probably have been much more depressing otherwise. Not that we see one another much at night, but it just feels so much better (and safer) to have a friendly lifeline in the event that I need one. Wish me luck! Just rain the whole night through!

Wenky
6:35 AM

Monday, December 17, 2007

Monday again. Feeling just that little bit down.

Went for a dance lesson with Yx and her friends yesterday, it honestly wasn't all that enjoyable. Maybe it's the issue about dancing with strangers, or that I have read that bit more into the instructors than perhaps the others did. Whatever it is, I'll probably just go ahead with it anyway. Good to pick up new things while I can.

Made a 3rd brew! It was a messy affair though, with malt spilt everywhere and the resultant brew smelling a little like burnt chocolate or teh tarik. Oh dear. Good thing though, is that the wort is actually bubbling like mad right now. Only time will tell - maybe we stumbled upon something really different this time. I said different, not necessarily good.

Oh yes - and the food blog's been updated! For the first time ever, a confectionary, courtesy of Yx!

***

Figured I really need some time off for meditation or something - just to sit by and look back at myself, and how things have changed over the years. Take the temper, for example. I'm pretty sure that never existed. Or maybe, it's just been bottled up, and the frigidity of life that's upon us has rent a little fault in myself, causing all that angst to spew out. If perfection is expected of you every second of that 12 hours each day, then perhaps perfection is also what you expect of people around you.

Warped, I know.

The sky's turning this lovely shade of pale blue-grey. What a lovely sight!

All of a sudden, I have decided on what words I'll have on that tattoo I'll probably never get.

***

Still counting down. 16 days left, I think, and 3 calls.

Wenky
6:30 AM

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Developed a bout of malaena after eating out with friends on Thurs! Haha .. not really. Met up with a few of my old surgical friends for drinks and pizza, and we ate squid ink pasta (had fun laughing at one another's black lips and tongues!). Oh, the beer is so good there! One of the few places that serve up good Belgian beer.

And on the subject of beer, my fears over a stalled fermentation were unfounded. We just bottled the first of our australian bitters last night, and it definitely tasted of beer, not mouldy malt water. We bottled 1.5L of it, and threw in 1/4 Oz of Fuggles hops before bottling the rest today. Shall see if the hops add any more character to this dark amber brew.

Some long-overdue pics to spice up this page:

My excellent ward nurses - I'm so going to miss them next year! These people are amazing. They call me at most 1-2 times a night (excluding new cases), take tonnes of blood for me (I sound like a freak now), write out memos and forms for me so that all I need to do is to stamp my name and sign, and do full updates and lectures patients/their families. OK, I didn't notice the bunny ears on my head till just now.

Ward sister!! Another one of those treasures in the ward who actually bitches with me about all sorts of things, muahahaha. And of course, my trusty case manager who never fails to send patients off on time.

And sleepy Brownie (that's the "I'm so lazy and sleep, and shan't get off the bed" look) ... who is now having the time of his life barking madly at goodness knows what/who outside the gates.

Wenky
7:35 AM

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Just in the mood to type a little this morning. Woke at the most obscene times (bad sleep) and suffering from a headache and temperature now. Quite happy with my new reg, she teaches, and comes early for exits.

Grr .. the worst part about brewing is waiting for the fermentation to be over! Still no active bubbling and gurgling like my previous brew, but last night I *thought* I heard a tiny little bubbling sound. Now, about that last brew. I was unsure of when to bottle, remember, and Yx suggested bottling at different times? Initially we thought we really screwed the stuff up, since the last bottling was at 2 weeks - which is about the time some brewers say the yeast starts dying off and imparting the oddest flavours (or stenches, rather) to the beer. I admit, I was quite disappointed at first since the beer definitely tasted of banana, but 2-3 weeks into conditioning, it turns out that the beer's actually great! Have a whole line-up of events coming. It's the bitters for now, followed by a batch of real ale. And after that I'm thinking about doing up a white beer (somewhat like Hoegaarden) and a Trappist ale.

Thursday. 20 more days, 3 more calls.

Wenky
6:30 AM

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Wuss Culture

The most vexing thing about working with my current bosses is that they are all complete wusses, which really begs the question - are they not expected to also know how to manage problems outside their own specialty? I remember thoroughly respecting my previous bosses - they worked, not by labs or numbers or charts, but by clinical acumen, experience and confidence. That, is the art of medicine. Indeed, a favorite previous boss told me, "Medicine is the art of practicing science." Now, my current bosses. They are wusses. High blood pressure? Ooooh! Let's all freak out and ask the cardiologist in! I'm exaggerating of course, but not by much. Ever heard of over-treating? I think they've just done that. It's not that they can't handle the issues - it's just that they are frightened, that they want to cover their own asses, that they want to shove responsibility to the cardiologist, infectious physician, respiratory physician etc.

Changing to yet another boss today. 21 more days, 3 more calls. Can't wait to be rid of this bunch of nincompoops.

Wenky
6:48 AM

Monday, December 10, 2007

Definite gloom in the air. Monday blues, you might want to call it. One of the unhappiest days of the week. Doesn't help that Yx's going to be busy tonight, so I shall just make a trip down to the pharmacy instead - running low on some supplies. For better or for worse, the day will end - that's the only solace I have.

I remember the strain of last Monday, when I discovered I actually was on call that day. Sat down in one of the surgical wards, and suddenly felt a strong pang of missing my old surgical friends. Times spent in the library grousing over the shittiest and most mundane research chores, in the nursing manager's room laughing over Her World magazine, in the resident's room researching on our next holiday destination. Oh dear, the nostalgia really isn't helping.

What a difference a year makes! This time last year I was all geared up for making gingerbread houses, importing Triops, and truly enjoying life in general. Have to be optimistic.

Hmmm ... Beijing next year? Tempting.

Wenky
6:44 AM

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Oh what a day! BTW, not looking forward to tomorrow at all - I foresee TONNES of referrals - but that will come later.

First, my sis ... I totally freaked out and lost my head, and sent her straight to the A&E. OK, so now she's lying in the EDTU for observation till tomorrow. Utterly embarrassing. At least they didn't go "what utter nonsense is this?!?" and send her straight home or something.

Then I did something really quite out of character, in a dingy little salon in Far East. 3 hours in the salon!! Unprecedented, unimaginable, unreal. Probably an acute stress reaction. For some reason, stress levels had been through the roof recently. Really displaying tonnes of maladaptive behaviors, and oh well. At least it was the salon, not the tattoo parlour or the masseur or the penis piercer.

The beer isn't really bubbling - worrying. Looking forward to bottling day.

Wenky
11:02 PM

Made a second brew yesterday! This time I'm doing a slightly darker ale, a bitter actually. And we kinda started experimenting around with different ingredients, so in addition to the malt extract, we added 250g light malt extract powder and will be adding 1/4 Oz of Fuggle hops to it when fermentation's complete. Decided that making a full 23L per flavour is REALLY too much (I still have like 18 bottles - 700ml bottles, mind - of the previous Canadian blond batch left ...) so we cut the recipe by half and will end up with 12L of bitters this time. Hmm. Hope it works out. I'm actually wondering if I should store the resultant beer at room temp - after all, "room temp" here = peak summer temp overseas. But commercial beers are kept in normal storerooms anyway right? Aiming for yet one more batch after this - planning for Xmas already! =D Suicidal behavior shining through - gearing up with ammo to get into fulminant liver failure. 23 days and 3 calls left. Had loads of fun with my nurses during the Xmas lunch, pics to come soon!

Wenky
6:51 AM

Friday, December 07, 2007

This is so odd, I woke too early, went to sleep, and now woke too late. On call again, so wish me luck! I've got company tonight, so I'm not feeling as miserable as I normally am. But then again, I've got to last through the day first, and tomorrow as well.

Waiting to brew a second batch this weekend!

Wenky
6:56 AM

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Went home really late yesterday, hope it won't happen again today. Been feeling extremely off-colour lately.

What are you looking for in life?

Had a sleepless night.

29 days ... 4 calls.

Wenky
6:40 AM

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Had been feeling really down for the past week or so. I'm trying to assume that it's because of a change in postings, but it feels like the troubled feeling goes much deeper than that. Just had a strange thought - if I'm going to get minoxidil on board, I might as well do fluoxetine at the same time since the point about libido's going to be moot anyway. OK, strangeness.

The next time I post, there'll be a proper countdown. As of now, I have 30 more days to go. 30. To be optimistic, give or take a weekend or public holiday here and there and I'm down to 26 or so.

I know it's killing me slowly, and that I need to do something about it. Going slow doesn't help, it needs to go with a bang probably. But I really can't take the stress.

Wenky
6:44 AM

Monday, December 03, 2007

Sickening .. just discovered I'm actually on call tonight. Freaking depressing. In any case, wish me luck ... Thanks, Yx, for doing all that for me!

Wenky
4:28 PM

Finally bought myself a new phone, after weeks of deliberation. Shall take it as several years' worth of Xmas presents for myself =\ Anyway, got a pretty good deal on it at SITEX, which was quite a pain to go to. I now have GPS! Although it'll be long indeed for me to forget that hilarious incident on that day we all went for paintball with my surgical colleagues . 2 guys in the same car had GPS, and they ended up being an hour later than everyone else - because both machines gave 2 different routes and they didn't know which one to follow! Was sorely tempted by a few more things there, like external hard drives, wireless-N routers and gaming consoles. But as you know, all these exhibitions are Wants = +++ and Needs = 0.

***

Dinner was an unbelievably enjoyable affair. Yx was wonderful, she whipped up Chilli Crabs, which I had been craving for for weeks! And she also made these stuffed you tiao which were stolen off the table even before dinner started, and a mean plate of chicken rice. Pics!

Fun with crabs (he was actually frightened)

Brownie's harrassed look.

Absolutely the best I've had in a long, long, long, long time.

You tiao stuffed with fish paste

Pineapple rice

Stir-fried wild mushroom salad

Chicken rice - man, the cooking process was so complicated.

The entire spread last night: Dad also made this herbal chicken soup thingy that was pretty good, even though I'm not a fan of herbal stuff.

The chilli crab recipe is already on my food blog, so check it out if you're keen making it too!

Couple more belated food photos and updates on the beer.
Lamp chops which I made for Yx last week when she was down with the flu. Lamb's about the only thing you can taste with the flu on board!

And ... AT LAST! Canadian Blonde beer, home-made! Not to 自卖自夸, but it really was decent beyond expectations. A couple of grouses, however - the beer head was good, but it didn't retain well, and it needed slightly more bittering. Very drinkable, otherwise.

***

It's my final month in this shithole at last, but my workfriends will know that I've been really down recently. Could be just the disillusion really hitting hard. Or it could have been just frustration that it's my usual favourite time of the year, but yet I'm not feeling any cheer at all this year. Or maybe just too much to fret over, or fretting over too much. I actually asked the pharmacist for happy pills but she refused to hand them over, hah.

Wenky
6:22 AM

Wenkyland

*****************************

To cure sometimes,
To relieve often,
To comfort always.

Notable Notes

Partners In Crime

Raking Up The Past

Split Personalities

Usual Haunts

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